culture, take 2

On my flights back and in layovers, I started reading a book I have owned for a number of years but never got to read, On Being a Missionary by Thomas Hale.  His chapter on culture shock/stress made me think again about my entry on cultural differences.  I recognize much of his symptoms of culture shock in myself over the past eight weeks particularly: discouragement, critical spirit, self-pity, pessimism, etc.  I know and knew at the time that I was experiencing some stress from the difference in cultures.  It simply costs more emotional energy to do simple things like going to market when you have to say no to several people who want money or a job, ignore some propositions or comments, try to figure out what I'm going to do with the few vegetables available that my stomach won't reject, and then gauge whether the price I'm offered is a fair one or whether I should barter a bit and if so how much to offer and whether the seller speaks English...

Hale goes on to talk about what to do for culture shock.  His steps include recognition, praying for God's grace and enabling, adapting to the nationals except for ethics and faith, making a circle of friends, cultivating an attitude of exploration/adventure, maintaining friendships with other expats, and not taking yourself too seriously.  I was struck as I looked over this list by how little of this I did.  I was much quicker to judge and criticize than to ask God for his enabling to love those around me.  I was much quicker to relate to the simpler relationships with expats than to invite over Zambian friends, even for the little hospitality (tea, games) I could offer.  And this is me, who prides myself on enjoying the challenge of cross-cultural relationships and cultivating a good number of them, including among my closest friends.  Have I been deceiving myself and simply requiring my friends to respond in ways that fall within my expectation or do not require challenge or change for me?

Hale speaks of the way in which Jesus gave up so much to be with and for us, to die in our place, to rise to give us a victory we could never earn but in which we are welcomed lavishly, generously, joyfully, grace-fully to share.  He reminds the reader of how love is shown forth in one giving his life for his friends, and how those of us who serve cross-culturally in an attempt to show Jesus' love for others have a unique chance to give up our lives (our things, our culture, our status, our privileges, even sometimes literally our lives) to demonstrate that love.  How little of that was present in my thoughts and attitudes, although I hope a bit more of it was present in my actions...

So this is my confession.  I have far to go in learning to be like Jesus, who willing and without complaint gave up a place in heaven to be born in a stable, to work as a carpenter, to be rejected and ridiculed, to be humiliated in death and misunderstood in life.  I do not love my neighbor well.  Lord, help me to grow in this, particularly when dealing with the additional stresses of cross-cultural relationships.  Am I willing to be misunderstood, to be rejected, to be unappreciated or ignored?  Am I willing to have my medical judgment questioned, my competence doubted, what little knowledge I have worked to earn ridiculed?  Am I actually willing to follow where Jesus leads and expect nothing in return?

I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 13, the so-called love chapter.  Verses 2-3, 8a: "If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing...  Love never fails."  Lord, teach me to love like you do.